Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too–even when you’re in the dark. Even when you’re falling.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie
The saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder is very true. We all have what we consider beautiful, a certain look, body type, eye color, skin color. That quickly becomes irrelevant when we lay our hand on the other persons heart and we see them as they are. For years I’ve been divided into two people. The person I was prior to marriage, thin, young, naturally blonde and fearless. And the person that took her place chubby, blonde with the help of bleach, scared of everything. I’ve helicopter parented both children, only out of love and worry, the what if. I watched the end of football practice today, as I’ve done a million times. Boys if every size, shape, color, economic background. All wearing shorts and cleats. No shame, no worry, no fear the guy next to him will call him something unflattering. They are a team. They sweat together, hurt, suffer, and share in the wins and losses. They don’t judge. They don’t care who drives the nicest car, they speak when they see each other in the hall. They are beautiful to me. Every single one of them. My mentality for years has been when I lose weight I’ll be more popular, people will flock to be around me. I’ll have a dance card full of invitations. This has been a week of sou l searching for me, and I realized if I suddenly became part of the in crowd because my butt shrank a size or two I’m pretty sure those wouldn’t be my kind of people to begin with. I sat down and listed all the people that would devastate me if I lost them, and I couldn’t have come up with a more diverse group of people. Each and every one make me a better person. I hope in return I give them just a sliver of what they give me.
Those are the beautiful people to me. Those are the ones that ran with me 30 seconds and never made me feel embarrassed. The ones that look me directly in the eye and say you matter to me, Those are the beautiful friends that I hope always find joy even in the midst of heartache, because it will be there. Life is beautiful, it’s messy, and scary and uncertain. But it’s glorious as well. It’s all too short, so for me I want to inhale in, wrap it around me, run new roads, and live without fear. I’ll always worry about my kids, I gave birth to them I figure I get that right. But as far as being afraid to say the wrong thing, wear the wrong thing. Laugh too loud, no more. My life is mine to live on my terms, in my own version of beauty, for ever second I’m blessed with.
runningabiglife 